Posted on

search terms don’t lie: how people got here

fun with auto-complete

if your running a blog, you might be interested in knowing how people are getting to your site. luckily, wordpress users have access to all manner of plug-ins that do all kinds of magical things. the plug-in i use to track my stats is called CyStats. it allows me to see all the usual hits and visits and who went where figures, but it also lets me see the search terms that got people here.

those search terms are quite often a source of amusement. this is especially true for a blog like mine that varies on topics as well as levels of seriousness. so without further delay, these are the top ten terms that got people here:

[easychart type=”pie” title=”Search Terms Used To Get Here” groupnames=”long haired boy,long hair boy,headphones case,how to get a sausage out of a toilet,ie=emulateie5,homeless mortal kombat,vacuum cleaner bags,john fucking wildly,speakers blow off clothes,high powered lasers” group1values=”10″ group2values=”10″ group3values=”6″ group4values=”6″ group5values=”3″ group6values=”3″ group7values=”3″ group8values=”3″ group9values=”3″ group10values=”3″ ]

it becomes painfully obvious that not only are people finding my site and reading this tripe, they are getting here by actively seking out things such as “homeless mortal kombat” and “how to get a sausage out of a toilet“. both of those phrases, incidentally, will bring my site back on the first result page of google. i can’t tell you how proud i am of that, but i digress.

some of these terms make a lot of sense. obviously anyone interested in high powered lasers and speakers blowing the clothes off of people is a like mind and would naturally find thier way here eventually. i’ve even written a few coding articles that are relevant to web developers looking for tips or tricks. lets also not forget the lolz section and all of the wonderfully stupid humans tricks archived for posterity there.

however, one question rings in my mind with the power and clarity of train exploding at the base of a cliff: who the hell actively seeks out on the internet a method for removing a sausage from a toilet? does this indicate a demand for such procedures? would providing illustrated tutorials and guides on the subject prove lucrative? i may need to look into this. if i can somehow help this small segment of society reach what they are hoping to grasp, maybe the world will be a better place for them.

now lets talk about vacuum cleaner bags and their utter irrelevance to anything on my site. to the best of my knowledge, i’ve written nothing that has anything to do with them. however, some search engine somewhere seems to feel that something on my site could somehow be in the interest of some poor bastard who is simply trying to figure out how to keep using his cleaning appliance. well that poor bastard got little more than a load of the usual geekery that permeates this site, leaving his living room a haven for rapidly multiplying dust bunnies. don’t expect a written apology.

so what shiny bit of coveted information can i glean from all of this? it seems pretty clear to me that the internet is full of freaks and case studies. people who use the internet use it for the most bizarre things imaginable and should probably be punished. this is why i do everything i can to stay away from the internet and hand write all of my site updates and mail them to a service that handles those things. you may be wise to do the same.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *