avie woodbury of new zealand threw a couple of souls up for auction monday and netted about two grand from them. the souls were apparently in a couple of glass vials plugged up with corks dipped in holy water. the holy water is supposed to contain them somehow, if you believe in this stuff. so now the ghosts aren’t just pissed off and stuck in a bottle, they’re all wet.
she said she captured them in her house. i’m guessing they were just hanging out in the kitchen making some sammiches or something when she barged in like john constantine and demanded they jump in the vials. one spirit was an old man who has been there the whole time and the other was some kind of problem child that was invited in with a ouija board. this is really no way to treat the elderly or an invited guest, so i think maybe avie’s behavior could use a little modification.
the auction attracted quite a crowd, but i’m thinking its not so much because that many people wanted to snag a jug of ethereal presence, but more like they wanted to see what this crazy bitch is going to scam some sucker for. the proceeds are supposed to go to the spca after the exorcist fee is deducted, so i’m sure there’s a lot of paper shuffling over there as they figure out how to appropriate all those nickles and dimes.