i’ve been a fan of zappos.com for some time, i’ve just never written about it because shoes and clothing aren’t my thing. music, movies, gaming, electronics, and even human behavior patterns have popped up now and then, but today we’re going to talk about shoes. mostly because mine have holes in the sole and i’m still wearing them. that is in no way a reflection of my social status.
i’ve been walking the holes larger in my pair of stacy adams for a few months now. the only reason i haven’t replaced them is.. well.. i really don’t like anything else out there. i’m funny about shoes. to begin with, i hate wearing shoes at all. that immediately makes anything unusual or especially trendy an impossible sell. the fact that i’m overtly eccentric and have a tendency to wallow in my disinterest of passing fads doesn’t help much, either. however, the time has come to find my new pair of shoes, so zappos, here i come.
i decided that maybe it was time for a change of pace, maybe something more modern than the black patent leather wingtips that i happen to find very, very classy. i get a lot of compliments about my retro shiny shoes. i think that the shiny shoes and dressier clothes that i usually wear adequately confuse most people when presented in stark contrast to my long hair and excruciatingly dry, witty, and somewhat british sense of humor. however, these shiny shoes won’t be a-walkin’ much longer, so the quest began. that was when i stumbled across the born collection.
at first i was merely bored with the mundane design choices: boat shoes, athletic looking things, various women’s shoes the appeal of which is beyond my understanding, and a few dress shoes for men. that was when i first realized that just about everything in this collection that didn’t loosely resemble an oxford type dress shoe or a cheap looking woman’s slipper like the ones you may find being worn in off hours by a fast food manager reminded me of some kind of hideous combination of leather and aqua socks.
is this really what we’ve come to? have we really taken so keenly to blocky tread patterns that look as if they were ripped from the flaming wreckage of an eighteen wheeler, melted onto a leather corn husk and stamped with a designer logo? just shy of that obnoxiousness is the ‘hiking’ variety, something only an unemployed lesbian ex-gym teacher would wear. that guy that always looks like he’s about to go hiking, when in fact he’s merely headed to the fridge for a beer, might like them as well. not i. i can’t even say i’m attracted to the more traditional stylings of this brand.
so my search continues for shoes that don’t offend my senses in some way. i’m probably going to be buying another pair of stacy adams. however, the point of my experience should not be missed: watch out. there is a lot of horrific footwear out there, and it is not restricted to the athletic shoe stores in the mall that seem to have had their entire stock of running shoes infected with some terrible disease that leaves them bloated and discolored like some kind of pregnant alien insect.