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why steve jobs will never be replaced as ceo of apple


there has been a bit of hubub on the internet lately about steve’s medical condition and what the company plans to do when its time to replace him as ceo of apple. to begin, lets dispel any myths you may have heard or read about steve jobs having any sort of life threatening illness. i can do this with confidence because i have a vivid imagination and no sense of reality.

i began to notice that over the past few years apple has bought into or bought outright a few tech firms and foundries. the only logical reason a filthy rich old man would do this is if he was using his company’s resources to manufacture electronic replacements for his own failing organs. once that simple conjecture is painfully swallowed, we begin to realize what steve jobs has become.

apple has been keeping a lid on this secret quite well for some time. if word got out that the fruit company was being run by a scrawny gray haired cyborg who was slowly going full synthetic, stock prices might get a little unpredictable. conservatives tend to get a little itchy when those kinds of glorious forward thinking plans are actually implemented and not just talked about with no plan of action.

the rest of the conclusion sort of draws itself at this point. with steveborg running the show and featuring all new upgrades, there’s no need to plan any sort of succession for the ceo position. apple can continue to run things like they always have, the general public will remain oblivious to these facts, and the shareholders will just assume he’s been visiting the spa a little more as an explanation for his rejuvenation while the value of the company slopes ever upward.

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