how to make strawberry jello bombs

 
mmmmmmmmmmmm... strawberry jello bombs

if you’re looking for an easier way to sneak explosives into exclusive night clubs so that you can blow up as many celebrities as you can at once, this is not the tutorial for you. if you’re looking for an easier way to get as much alcohol as possible into your not-quite-entertaining-yet guests so that the real party can get started, look no further.

after years of research and deliberation, salivation, and intoxication, i have formulated the ultimate party shot. this is not for the impatient or the weak hearted. this is not the average fru-fru malto-fruity crap shot your girlfriends get when they want to show up but not have too much fun. five or six of these will leave you wondering how you got this way. any more than that and you should probably have somebody make sure your clothes are still on.

this is slightly different than the average jello shot comprised only of jello with a smidgen of vodka stuffed in a disposable food service cup. i wanted a little something extra, so i added vodka soaked strawberry halves. the halves soaked in vodka for over 24 hours, and the vodka they were soaking in was then used in the jello. this creates an extra bomb burst of absolute when you chomp down on the berry after swallowing the jello.

the jello, of course, is no weak mix. the recipe on the box calls for a cup of boiling water and a cup of cold water to mix in later before setting. We’re going to replace that second cup of water with a freezer chilled cup of absolute citron. any more than half and half on the water/vodka mix will delay the gelling process, so this is about as potent as you can get them and expect to have jello and not a sloppy mix of goo with vodka floating on top.

lets get started, shall we?

get it together

 
all the ingredients needed to raise a proper raucus

 

we need to gather our ingredients as pictured above. i decided to get classy and not use disposable plastic cups like you might find in bathroom dispensers, or those little restaurant souffle cups that are popular with these. wal-mart had a sale on four packs of proper glass shooters, so i bought 20 of them. also pictured here is three boxes of jello and a half gallon of absolute citron. the strawberrys are the frozen variety. at this point i’ve already halved them and placed them to soak in a gladware container half full of vodka.

absolut strawberries

 
absolut strawberries

 

let the strawberries soak in the fridge for 24 hours. this may seem excessive, but its important. this is the only way to get the bomb part of the jello bomb. the strawberry is what gives it that yummy burst of absolut when you bit down. the jello part just slides down your throat and hammers you without warning. as you can see above, most of the red color from the berries has moved into the vodka. these berries are ready to be dropped into the jello. lets set them aside for a minute and get to making the jello itself.

making the jello

 
boil the water using whatever method you choose. i happen to be a fan of mapp gas torches

 

making the jello is easy. for this project, i used two and a half boxes. each box need one cup boiling water and one cup cold vodka. for the math impaired, that means two and a half cups of boiling water and two and a half cups of vodka. right now we’re just doing the hot water bit.

two and a half boxes

 
getting half a box of jello can be tricky

 

we’ll be using two and a half boxes of jello for this. getting half a box of jello can be tricky. its too powdery to pour into a measuring cup, so we’ll use a skill saw to just cut the bag in half. when the bag is cut, pour it and two other bags into boiling water and stir it until its totally dissolved.

once the gelatin has dissolved completely, turn off your torch and put the spoon down. now is when we add in the vodka. pour the leftover strawberry vodka into the measuring cup and set the berry halves aside. add or remove vodka to the measuring cup to make it an even one cup. i just used a drinking glass to pour the extra out. pour the cup of strawberry vodka into the jello water mix, then add another cup and a half of vodka from the bottle.

fill the shooters

 
fill the shot glasses and drop in the berries

 

turn off the stove and move the pot or pan you’re using off of the heat. now its time to pour the jello into the shooters. you can get creative here. in hindsight, i probably should have used a funnel of some kind, but i didn’t. i poured the jello out of the pot and into the measuring cup, then used the measuring cup to fill the shooters. it was messy. even a ladle would have been better, but i like to spill shit everywhere, and that’s what i did. i especially like to spill shit that stains counters and clothes. there’s no point in making a mess if its just too easy to clean up.

drop in the halved strawberries one half per glass and you’re ready to chill.

refrigerate for a few hours

 
turning the fridge way down helps a little

 

i used a cutting board as a tray for these. if you have a tray that fits in the fridge, i would use it instead. you can also just set them on the shelf in there, but if you’re messy like i enjoy being, you’ll end up with little jello rings on the shelf.

let these bad boys refrigerate for a few hours. mine took about 5 hours to really get the jello thing going on. sometimes they look like they’re done when they aren’t, so spot check them every now and then. the vodka slows this part down a little. the box makes it sound like they’ll be ready in a couple hours. normally, that would be true. not with vodka.

what about the leftover jello?

 
give your girlfreind the leftovers. chicks dig absolut jello.

 

there will be some jello left over. pour it into a dish of your choice and let it refrigerate next to the shots. this not only gives you a reference for how the shots are doing, but will also make your girlfriend happy. girls like absolut jello. in fact, you might have a hard time keeping her out of the fridge if you don’t have this to distract her. sure, you could just throw straight shots at her until she’s too drunk to raid the fridge, but that will leave you all by yourself hours later when the jello shots are done and she’s passed out on the floor in her own vomit.

the result

 
strawberry jello bomb: the glamor shot

 

this is what you should end up with. these are great for parties, small get-togethers, those days when you’re bored and have a half gallon of vodka and too much jello in the cabinet, or any other occasion that would allow you an excuse to hammer yourself silly.

awesome! they’re done! now how the $%^& do i eat this?
traditionally all you should need for jello shots to plop out of the serving container and into your mouth is an agile tongue. two ounce glass shooters give amazing presentation and easy dishwasher cleanup, but they might be a little deep to get your tongue into completely. here are some solutions to that.

 
the chopstick method

the chopstick method is the quickest. just run the end of the chopstick around the inside edge of the glass and it will loosen up enough to fall out of the glass when you tilt it back. just remember to lick the chopstick clean each time or the next day you’ll wonder why there’s a chopstick covered in dirty goo stuck to the table.

 
put them in her pants to warm up

this method takes longer and is slightly less convenient. however, there is something enjoyable about shoving food down your girlfriend’s pants to warm up. this will cause the glass to warm slightly releasing the bond that the jello has made with the glass. its not especially quick, and if she forgets it in there and goes to pee, there could be problems.

another more obvious and less inventive method is to run the outside of the glass under warm water for a second or two. that will also warm the glass a bit and release the jello. its just boring. and wet.

clean up your mess!

 
cleaning up the mess

 

you’re going to make a mess. the good news about jello is that it dissolves very very quickly with hot water. if you wipe it up quick enough it won’t leave a stain. let it sit and you’ll never get the spots off the counter. just use a sponge and hot water and everything should polish up nicely. just make sure not to leave your machete laying around. when people get drunk, things like this can be dangerous.